Raise Cash, America!

I was thinking that it isn't entirely fair that we as Americans are laying the blame for our economic woes at the feet of our President and our Congress, so I thought I would mention that we could fix all of this if we would do our job and start making more money, increase our GDP and start paying more taxes like good little Americans. Here's a few ideas:

1. Create an open market on human organs. Yes, that's right, we need to create a market that trades in human organs. Think about it, primary markets, secondary markets, futures, over/ unders speculation funds, bonds, equities... I could hear the brokers now- raking in the cashola as they sell their latest product. "Sir, we feel your portfilio is weak on HO (human organ) funds... everyone's doing it rght now, c'mon, have some guts here. This is a great opportunity, I'd bet my eyes on it, and with our low introductory rates, it won't cost you an arm and a leg"

2. Create a market on stuff we already use, but aren't charging for it. Stuff like atmospheric oxygen and nitrogen- I mean, people are using it every day, and we're just giving the stuff away! 

3. Start selling stuff that we produce and aren't using. I mean, what are we doing with all the dead skin cells we slough off every day? When's the last time you sold your unused toe nail clippings or belly button lint? I mean, come on! People pay money for hair clippings- why not eyelashes or toe fuzz?

4. Legalize and tax something that is currently illegal. Wikipedia has international drug trade at 1% of the total global GDP... We wouldn't have to legalize all of them at once, just a couple at a time over a 10-20 year span would open up millions in taxable revenue. I mean with tobacco sales declining every year, we gotta replace that addictive substance with something else...

I guess the last option would be that a few of us could turn off our computers for a little while and start reviving good old- fashioned American hard work and ingenuity- but that would mean opening a few steel mills, fabrication shops, factories and production plants... but then again, someone might get carpal tunnel or some other repetitive stress injury, we might create more pollution, or someone might have to make less than $35/ hour, we might have to re-think the way we do collective bargaining... naah- anyone wanna buy HO kidney futures for next season's harvest?

SHUT DOWN COUNTDOWN

I don't really know how most of you feel about partisan issues on the Hill, and in our government. I mean, it stands to reason that if you believe in something, and you live in this country, you can likely find someone who believes the exact opposite.

If I were a Tea Partier, I'm thinking I would be Mrs Nesbit.


I just happen to think that this whole thing is getting to be a little too ridiculous.

In days past, I'd be down at the Dubliner with $100 bill laying on the bar challenging my fellow patrons to pitch in and buy a round for the whole bunch if they get a budget passed by midnight. Apparently the Dubliner doesn't participate but you might be able to do it online. Just go here and find your Congressperson, and send them a beer.

As a matter of fact, maybe we should start a "Beer Party" and tell these idiots on the hill that all we want is some good old fashioned common sense. I mean, are we as Americans really THAT shallow? Are all republicans cold-hearted rich people who want poor women to go without health care? Are all Democrats the recipients of some government program and only vote with their pockets? I think that most of us understand the government can't afford to keep spending at the current rate, and that some programs need to be cut. Come on, douchebags- pass a budget.
Congressional Budget Office