Bart's Junk

We went to see the new Simpson's movie this weekend, and I have to admit it was a little wierd sitting in a large dark room with 250 other people watching the Simpsons. There were the usual gags, a few funny surprising moments, and a few genuine laughs- but the biggest thing was a dare between Homer and Bart where Homer dared Bart to skateboard naked to the Krusty Burger and back.

Bart's crusing down the street nude and a more than a few conveniently placed items cover little Bart, and then Bam! Bart's junk! Little Bart flashed on the screen for everyone to see. It wasn't that big of a deal, but it was just a little surprising- given that the male member is usually taboo in even R rated movies.

Aside from the Bart "member shot" it felt like a long episode of the Simpsons. I mean these characters have been in our lives for over 17 years! This show lasted longer than my first marriage for cryin' out loud. Standing in line and paying to see the Simpsons is kinda like going to the zoo to see your own pets in cages.

Its not that I didn't like it. I'm a Simpsons devotee- I've been watching the Simpson family not grow up or get any older since they were a short at the end of the Tracy Ullman Show. Its just that the movie didn't feel like a movie.

There was a few slow moments where I thought a remote would be handy- you know, not really "change the channel" just see what else is on for a second. The Simpsons at this point are like ambient TV. Its whats on when there's nothing on. Its what you have on BEFORE Prime time. There's much to be said about the "staying power" of the Simpsons, about its permanent place in American culture, and its enduring charm- but if you wanna pay to see the Simpsons, come to my house around 7pm every evening. For $40 I'll give you all the popcorn you can eat, a big soda, and even let you hold the remote.

under my umbah- rella ella ella eh eh oh eh eh

Has anyone else noticed that Rihanna's song has massive issues in the rhyming category?

When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

I'm sorry- but forever doesn't qualify as rhyming with ever, because you can't use a word to rhyme if its the same as the suffix- and then other and umbrella just do not work at all. It doesn't even work in ebonics.

I did, however realize that it works in hillbilly, because in certain parts of the south an umbrella is commonly referred to as an umbreller. Unfortunately this doesn't seem to work very well for the genre-So I made new lyrics that actually rhyme with umbrella:

When the sun shines, it shines through windows made by pella
Told you that sammich was poisoned with salmonella
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'm going to stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining on my friend named Ella
Know that I'll feature you in my next novella
You can stand under my umbrella

I thought about adding
"I'm glad there's loud accompaniment because I can't sing a capella"
but I thought that might be too mean.

Hey Rihanna- it's called Rhymezone.com. Look into it.

Oh yeah- I almost forgot, Umbrella has three syllables. I hate this friggin song.